Why am I writing this? To be heard? To get my two cents in? Because everyone else is voicing their opinion? No……because if I stay silent with my view, it just might kill me. Sounds pretty melodramatic but the squelching of my view, of my voice creates disease in my body. My body has shouted with fervor…..dance, sing and play your tune…….NOW!
The death of Robin Williams has touched me deeply, personally. I know that place. I know that place of disgust, darkness, the deep abyss that seems endless, real and overwhelming. The place that others think you will just get over or that others can’t even begin to imagine that it is you in that place because you are so “not that”…..at least to them in that moment. The more they try to have you see who you really are, the more you sink…deeper and deeper.
The current thinking that depression is a mental illness a disease is so “off” for me…..it’s almost like feeding the deep core thought that creates the depression in the first place…….”I am broken. I am not like other people. There is something deeply wrong with me.” The thinking that telling someone they have a mental illness in this place is like validation, affirming that something really is wrong with me.
Depression is a “disease” of the heart…….for lack of love is at the heart and soul of a depression…….lack of love for oneself, lack of knowing who we really are. It is the soulful friend, lover, spouse that can stand in front of you in those dark times and allow your darkness to come forth, and then they envelope you in love…..not to fix you, not to “help” you but to reveal to you the truth of who you are. They listen, they don’t resist, they love fully and know the truth of who you are will win out. Sometimes the truth of who we really are will win out in life and other times it will win out in “death”. For we will always return to the love that we really are.
Again, I will speak a view not very popular, yet so real to me. The “fear” of death, the “failure” of death perpetuates fear and failure in our world. Death, though deeply emotional for the loved ones still in the world, can often bring great love and blessings…..not only to the loved ones, but to the one who has passed. Sometimes death can bring the greatest good to the world. Now that Robin is on the other “side”…….returned to his love, returned to the truth of who he is…..he now can pour forth his love and light in ways that the “sensitive” ones will be able to see, feel and hear.
Thank you Robin for giving me the moment to speak my voice. Thank you for returning yourself to who you really are. Thank you for being a source of love for so many who are stumbling in the dark.